"fill us anew we pray"

I have had many new blog ideas rattling around in my head and haven't fleshed any out in a while. And this isn't even one of those, but it was an experience that I keep thinking about and reflecting on all weekend, and I want to do my best to describe it to you! :)

This semester I have been volunteering with a Speech-Language Pathologist (SLP) at a nearby school 3 hours each week. It has been such an amazing experience! She is an absolutely wonderful woman, and I am blessed to have learned so much from her and see her passion for these precious children.

One of these darlings has particularly captured my heart. He is 7 or 8 years old, and has autism that severely limits his spoken language, among other disabilities. Since his verbal output is so limited, he uses an app on an iPod that speaks the words and symbols as he touches them.  With the app, he is able to combine 2 or 3 words to make a basic request, which is huge progress even from when I saw him at the beginning of the semester. (This is relevant later, hang in there). A major focus on his therapy is for him to initiate conversation, to accurately say yes or no, and to engage with the people around him.

So on Friday (here's the good stuff) the SLP was testing him for the triennial evaluation. Before coming to us, he had been throwing a tantrum in class, laying on the floor with his shoes and socks off. As he came in and sat down, his behavior calmed and he was able to focus on the task before him of pointing to the picture that the SLP named. After a couple questions he would be reinforced for his calm sitting and attempts at labeling the pictures.

During this process, especially in the breaks when he would be eating the snack he was given, he continued to look over at me and reach his hand out to take hold of mine. The first time he did this, he looked at me and said, "Hi"... He actually said hi!!! That was so huge for him! He also waved to me a few times. It was so exciting to see him desiring to have that connection with me. One time when he was holding my hand he even brought it up to his mouth and kissed it. Oh how it melted my heart! Once the testing for that day was over, he got to make a choice for his next activity. As he was eating the skittle he had chosen, the SLP, her aid and I were talking and he took his iPod, chose “tickle” and looked at me to respond to his request! He completely initiated that interaction, and continued to ask me for more tickling until the session was finished. When the SLP told him it was time for him to go to class, and that he could walk with me, this boy who usually struggles with transitions, hopped out of his chair and walked over to me, asked me to tickle him one more time, then held my hand the whole way to class!

My heart was so full the rest of the day, and I texted the SLP explaining how I was feeling, and her response was very powerful to me. She said, "I cried so many times today thinking about it (happy tears). For it to happen now, and for you to experience how moving those moments of connecting are, is no coincidence... What you experienced today no one will understand with us describing... Thank you for being such a beautiful human being; he felt it :)" 

This lovely SLP has so been on my heart to be praying for, that God would break into her life and set her free from the bondage she is in and draw her to the abundant life He is offering her. And for her to recognize and even make me aware of the fact that my connection with this sweet boy is no coincidence, was so amazing to me. I love her and this precious little one, and am excited to see how God can continue using me in the last couple weeks of the semester with them.

Oh Lord, please make me more aware of how powerfully your Spirit is moving within me, and continue to fill me with more of You. Thank you for making me aware that even just by sitting and observing a therapy session, Your love can be flowing through me to influence the lives of this little boy and this dear woman. May I continue to rely on You and find joy in You so that those around me may experience the overflow of Your love and feel your presence. I praise You for the work You are doing, and for my identity in You that I am even able to fight this battle of showing others who You are.

James is like cheesecake!

WOW! My heart is so refreshed and filled with JOY after tonight! My friend Carlye and I are co-leading an upperclass study on the book of James, and tonight was our second night of it.

If it's been a while, or you haven't read it, then let me tell you.. James is a powerful book. So full of conviction and application! One of the wonderful ladies likened it to cheesecake. So incredibly rich, that you just want to take a small bite and savor it for a while. However, tonight was an overview of it, which she said was "like licking the top of the cheesecake". With so many points of application, it really was hard to make it through without stopping after every verse! Yet we managed to do so, and had such a lovely discussion!

The end however was my favorite. Heeding James 5:16, we really did confess our sins and temptations and pray for one another. The spirit of vulnerability was just amazing! And oh my goodness, SUCH an answer to prayer! This is what I have been longing to see among the women at Long Beach State, and have so desired to be a part of nights like this. I am so excited and expectant for what God is going to continue to do in and through us and our time spent in James this semester!! EEEEEEEEEEKKKKK!!!!! (that's a scream of excitement) :)

Blessings

The past few days have been very emotional for me. God has been really challenging me to trust Him in so many areas of my life. It has been hard to hear Him asking me to stay. To remain where He has placed me, to pursue grad school, when my heart is crying out to go!

At EDGE Preview this weekend, there was a lot of time to think about the future and what God is calling me to do. Which was hard. But in worship, singing Living For Your Glory, I realized that every time I have sung these words before, in the back of my mind it has always meant, "Lord, take my life.. take me wherever you want.. take me overseas to live for your glory.. I'm willing to go" NOT what it should be: "Lord, take my life.. all of it.. and use me wherever you send me. Even if that means staying in California and going to grad school, working for a couple years. May I live for your glory in every aspect of my life, no matter where I am." I was really challenged yesterday to even more fully surrender my life.

Driving away from preview, Daniel and I were sharing more of what God was showing us during the weekend. I was tired, emotionally drained, and so aware of the struggle inside me to trust God with staying. Wondering why I'm supposed to wait, what God could have planned for these next few years...

Then it started to rain!!

Just a light sprinkling, but it came out of nowhere! There were no clouds anywhere above us. We could see some in the distance, but they were so far off and didn't look like rain clouds. It just felt like such a sweet little blessing from my Heavenly Father. I absolutely love the rain, and felt like it was God telling me, "My sweet Caitlin, I'm with you. I'm here and I see you. I know waiting is painful, but I want to bless you through it, even with all the confusion and struggles and hardships you see before you. As you trust Me, I am with you and can restore your joy if you let me. I have great things planned for you, my beloved."

Thinking about it today it reminded me of the song Blessings by Laura Story. I can't wait to see the many unique ways God will continue to bless me in the years to come!

"Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you, I will give men in exchange for you, and people in exchange for your life." - Isaiah 43:10

family

I just love my family.
I'm reminded of this a lot more when I come home, especially for the Christmas season. We have filled it with so many lovely traditions (many of which are competitions), I can't even begin to explain them all.

I love the way we spend the days around Christmas.
Christmas Eve.. the candlelight service at church, time with my mom's side of the family, It's A Wonderful Life, and all the kids crammed in one room for a fairly sleepless Night Before Christmas slumber.
Christmas morning.. waking up at 7 to the alarm to somehow pile into our parents' bed (a cozy fit with the 6 of us and our dog) to pray and read about Jesus, the rush downstairs to our stockings, exchanging gifts, Christmas breakfast. Then time to pack! And off to Grandmother's house we go.
Christmas evening through the 29th or so.. spent with my dad's side of the family. All 14 of us, smiling around the dinner table, enjoying time to relax and chat and just be with each other. And of course the craziness and competitiveness of the games to come. Werewolves was a fun one to introduce them to this year. A perfect game for us Aikenheads.

As I enjoyed these moments this year, I was struck by my love for my family. Oh, we are far from perfect, but that's what love and grace are for! I treasured the little things, this year, wondering how much longer my Christmas will be just like this one. Grandpa's jokes about dessert, Aunt Jackie's laughter, listening to my siblings' quiet breathing as I tried to fall asleep, late night conversations with Uncle Wink, Aunt Julie's delicious dinners, Grandma's fun decoration games, Grandpa's Naval War sounds, the excitement on the younger one's faces as they open the legendary Aunt Lisa and Ginny boxes, sleepy bedtime conversations with my cousin, the teasing and sharing, board games and singing, and always uproarious (or risorial as we learned this year :)) laughter that fills the house.

I have been so blessed. Their great love, support and tender care is so encouraging. Looking forward to many more wonderful memories to come :)

Reflections

thankful: conscious of benefit received

I like this definition. So often I forget about or don't take the time to remember what God has given me. Caught up in the busyness and stress of my next to last semester of my undergrad, I have not been conscious enough of these blessings. And I want to share them with you now! So here goes..

family: full of traditions, competitive game playing, loving encouragement, fun adventures, nerf wars, car-ride concerts and vacations. I could not be more appreciative for all of their love and support. I love pulling into our driveway and being greeted with hugs and excitement :)

friends: those near and far away, old and new, have filled my life with laughter. I am thankful for all the crazy adventures, road trips, late night conversations, tears, and constant encouragement to grow in Christ. What a blessing!

daniel: it's been almost 3 months now, and such a fun adventure! I am thankful for his sweet encouragement and care. How he always points me back to Christ and keeps Him the center of our relationship. He has been so supportive in this crazy chapter of my life, and I could not be more grateful. I am excited to continue getting to know this wonderful man of God.

long beach: what an amazing community I have been given there! I have grown so much through my experiences there and have come to appreciate it as a home away from home :) I know next year will look very different, whether I remain in LB or go somewhere else, but I will always be joyful in reflecting on the 4 years it felt like home.

God: without Him I would have none of these amazing blessings! While it is often hard for me to trust what He has planned for my future, especially next year, I have no reason to fear - it will ALWAYS be for my good. Glancing behind at His provision and guidance in the past, I have confidence in moving forward into whatever He has for me. While everything around me changes, He remains the same. What a great comfort and reason to celebrate! Thank you, Father. May I continue to sing your praise.

"The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing." 

- Zephaniah 3:17

The Gold Clock

Tonight was the first night of our freshman Bible study I am co-leading with my friend Natalie. 3 freshman joined us tonight and we had a great time answering fun questions, sharing stories, eating candy, laughing and praying together. I am so excited for this semester, and all that God has in store for these girls! They were all so eager to share with each other and really grow in their relationship with God this semester, and excited for what He is going to teach them! It was so encouraging to see.

After we prayed to close the night, one of the girls shared with us that she saw an image while we were praying of a gold clock, with a pendulum ticking back and forth. She said she felt like God was saying how important our time as a group is. That it is golden, and we should be treasuring it this semester.
I am so excited to get to know these beautiful ladies!

This night also brought me back to my freshman year, as I sat in that same room, meeting the girls I would get to know and love, and my wonderful Bible study leader. It is so amazing to me that I am now in that same position Alissa was. A senior, preparing to graduate. And so different from the quiet, shy, insecure freshman from four years ago.

As I shared my testimony with these girls tonight, it was wonderful to reflect on all that God has done in my life. How incredibly faithful He has been and will continue to be. How the hard times have also brought about the most lessons and growth. And how He has broken and molded my heart so that I now have desires to do things, go places and love people I never would have imagined!
Isn't God AMAZING?!

Love is a Good Thing

Laura and I at Pike's Peak

We are definitely coming to the end of our time here in Colorado, and my emotions are reflecting it! We took my dear sister Laura to the airport early this morning so she could go to her friend's wedding. I have had so many wonderful memories with her. She brings so much life and joy to us, and has great depth and wisdom. She has been such a great encouragement to me and everyone else here!

The Fab Four - me, Laura, Kelsey and Lauren

Her departure today will be deeply felt, especially by the four of us. God blessed us so much by bringing us together and really deepening our friendships. I have learned and shared so much with these wonderful ladies, and will miss them greatly!

I really don't like the end of things, saying goodbyes. Especially now. During these 2 months I have been able to form such deep friendships and it is so hard to leave, not knowing when/if we will see each other again!

I just love her! 

While it is difficult, I am also reminded of how blessed I am. The fact that    it is so painful is a really great thing! It shows how much we were able to share and live out authentically together. A couple nights ago my team finished Bible study early and as I sat and waited for these three girls to come home, it just felt so normal. They are my sisters, and I want to be with them all the time, even if it is just laying on their bed listening to music, or sitting in the living room or outside working on different things. The important thing is that we're together! What a gift, to have such depth and comfort after just 2 months!

Our favorite spot, especially in thunderstorms!

As we talked (I cried) about this, Laura played a song for me. We discovered our mutual love for Andrew Peterson, and have enjoyed listening to him together. Well, she played Love is a Good Thing and it is just so true. While it is hard, love is such a good thing. Even when it "wears you down til your heart just breaks", it's a good thing. The fact that I keep crying myself to sleep as we get closer to departing to our own states/countries is a good thing. God has given us a great capacity to love, and it is wonderful to see it lived out in such a beautiful way. What an amazing thing it is to reflect His love and experience it so sweetly with my sisters!

"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." - John 13:34-35